35 Funny Retirement Gifts

Retirement Toilet Paper

Sometimes retirement can come as a shock to colleagues, so this hilarious gag toilet paper with the expression “Holy [poo emoji]! The legend has retired” will have both the recipient and their colleagues laughing! With wishes for a happy retirement, this is a funny retirement gift that they’ll sure to laugh about for years to come.

‘Do Not Disturb, I’m Retired’ socks

The one thing you’re supposed to be guaranteed of when you retire is peace and quiet, so these socks are a great gift to ensure that no one disturbs them in their new retirement! A funny gift to give, these socks say “Do not disturb” on one sock, and “I’m retired” on the other. Along the ankle line, they also read “Officially Retired”, giving them the much-deserved title! Perfect for men or women.

Under New Management Coffee Mug

When we retire, we expect to no longer have a boss telling us what to do. However, that’s not always the case when we’re married, and this hilarious coffee mug sums that up perfectly. The mug explains that while this person is newly retired, they are also under new management – the wife. So, while they may not be answering to a boss anymore, they still have to answer to someone! Make them laugh with this cute coffee mug celebrating their retirement. This is a particularly nice gift idea for coffee lovers.

Retired Business Cards

This retirement gift has to be one of my favorites! Your very own business cards to let people know what you plan to do to solve work problems – nothing! They even come in your very own stainless steel card holder. There is no office phone number or email where you can be reached, and under the title of “Retired” it lets everyone know to ask someone else instead of them. The perfect gift for the business man or woman who used to carry their own business cards; they can now replace them with these!

Retired Coffee Tumbler

This coffee tumbler makes the perfect retirement gift, and it even has the year on it to mark the special occasion. It is a 14 ounce tumbler that is made from premium stainless steel with an eco-friendly BPA-free leak proof lid to protect from spills. It will keep their hot drinks hot for up to three hours, and their cold drinks cold for up to 9 hours. Best part of all? It lets everyone know that they are retired and it’s “not their problem anymore”!

Trump ‘Great Retiree’ Journal

We all know that Trump is recognized for his speeches, and how they can sometimes be rather funny. The cover of this journal capitalizes on that humor by giving the recipient a traditional Trump “great retiree” speech. It will keep them laughing and provide them with a place to record their new adventures now that they’re retired. A thoughtful and funny gift to give to anyone that is retiring.

‘The Legend Has Retired’ Vintage Whiskey Glass

When you’ve worked with some of the best, you want to honor them with something special when they retire. Is there a “legend” at your workplace that is now leaving for retirement? Give them something truly thoughtful with this vintage whiskey glass that says “The Legend Has Retired” on it along with the year. Pair it with a nice bottle of their favorite whiskey, and you’ve got a lovely gift that they will really appreciate.

‘How Retirees Tell Time’ Coffee Mug & Wine Glass Holder

This hilarious piece of home decor is the perfect gift for that wonderful retiree. Let them keep track of the time of day with this coffee mug and wine glass holder. It holds two coffee mugs under the heading “sunrise” and two wine glasses under the heading “sunset”. This piece is made of solid wood and stained a lovely espresso color. The coffee mugs and wine glasses are included in the set as well. This is a great gift idea for wine enthusiasts or coffee lovers.

Funny Travel Zipper Makeup Bag

With a hilariously colorful expression on the cover of this makeup bag, you’re sure to make your favorite retiree laugh with this gift! It is printed on both sides of the bag and covered with a waterproof coating to protect it. It measures at 9” x 7”, so it’s perfect to tuck into a bag or purse to carry your smaller valuables like a phone or your makeup. Makes a great retirement gift!

Wine Bottle Gift Bag

It’s nice to give a bottle of wine on a special occasion, and this wine bottle gift bag is the perfect touch to add to it. This wine bottle gift bag is made of durable burlap, and it has the date on it along with an acrostic message about retirement – one expression for every letter of the word ‘retirement’, letting them know all the wonderful things they’ll be able to do now that they’re retired.

Novelty Retirement Beer Mug

This hilarious beer mug makes a great retirement gift for that special someone who enjoys their beer. It says on it “This beer tastes a lot like I’m NOT going to work tomorrow”, which is sure to give them a chuckle. It is a 15 ounce beer mug, and it is dishwasher safe for added convenience. The nice thing about this gift as well is that the company offers a 100% satisfaction guarantee, so you know they’ll stand behind their product.

Funny Warning Sign

UH-OH! Look out, we’ve got a retired person on the premises who’s got plenty of spare time now! This sign is a hilarious gift to give to someone who is entering retirement, and they’ll gladly display it in their home or yard to celebrate the milestone. It lets others know that there’s a retired person living there who has lots of extra time on their hands now to talk the day away! This tin sign measures 8” x 12” and comes with pre-drilled holes for easy mounting.

Retirement Party Tiara

Are you planning a retirement party for that special person? Well, then they should definitely be crowned with this retirement party tiara to celebrate the occasion! This plastic tiara is silver in color and comes adorned with colored jewels and the expression “Officially Retired” written in red. An eye-catching accessory to help the retiree really celebrate with their friends and family!

This Legend Has Retired Baseball Cap

While they’re out at sporting events or get-togethers, perhaps your retired friend would enjoy a baseball cap to let others know that they are retired! This funny baseball cap comes embroidered with the expression “This legend has retired” on the front of it. The cap is made of durable denim material and comes with a buckle closure at the back. It is also available in either black or gray.

Funny Retirement T-shirt

The first thought that might go through someone’s head when they retire is that they are free at last! This t-shirt captures that feeling, but then also drops a little dose of reality in smaller print! The shirt reads in large print “I’m retired, I’m FREE” and then underneath in smaller letters it continues with “to do what my wife tells me to do”. This makes a funny retirement gift that they’re sure to get a laugh out of!

Free and Fabulous Retirement Candle

When it comes time for me to retire, I imagine I’ll be feeling pretty “free and fabulous”! So, I would certainly appreciate a gift like this candle. With a delicate lavender scent, this candle is sure to help the newly retired friend to relax and unwind after years of stressful work. This gift isn’t necessarily all that funny, but it certainly is a thoughtful gift that anyone would appreciate upon their retirement. Let them sink into relaxing retirement with this candle, they’ll be feeling free and fabulous in no time.

‘Dead To Us’ Funny Retirement Wine Bottle Gift Bag

Upon first glance, this wine bottle gift bag might seem a bit harsh! However, when you read it closer, you can see what a nice sentiment it really is. Combined with a large print that reads “You are dead to us” and smaller print that fills in the gaps, it’s actually letting the person know just how much they’ll be missed. This wine bottle gift bag is made of natural cotton linen and can hold a regular 750ml wine bottle.

Canvas Reusable Tote Bag

When someone retires, they have more time to meander through the shops and stores. So, why not give them a nice reusable tote bag like this funny one?! With the hashtag #retiredlife at the bottom, it lets people know that the bag contains absolutely nothing of importance….because of course, they’re retired! This bag is made of durable 100% cotton material and measures 16” x 14” in size. Just the right size to carry along with them while they do their shopping.

Happy Retirement Gift Set

This gift isn’t necessarily a funny one, but it was just so thoughtful that we had to include it in our collection. This gift set comes with so many wonderful goodies in it, they’ll be truly touched by your kindness. It features a lovely wine tumbler, a jewelry dish that has a lovely message for them on it, cozy socks celebrating the “queen’s” retirement, a wine bottle gift bag, wine stopper, key chain, and greeting card. It’s a celebration in a gift box!

Amazonite Beads Farewell Bracelet

Amazonite beads have been worn for years to help dispel negative energy and promote feelings of love, courage, and hope. This beautiful beaded bracelet also has an adorable ladybug charm on it that signifies good luck. This is a lovely gift to give to someone who is starting a new chapter in their lives upon retirement. Wish them well with this thoughtful gift, packaged in a beautiful gift box with an inspiring message.

By the way, here is our list of farewell gifts for colleagues.

‘Goodbye Tension, Hello Pension’ Socks

One thing to celebrate upon retirement is the reduction of stress and tension in one’s life! So, why not celebrate that with these hilarious socks?! On one sock it reads “goodbye tension” and on the other sock it reads “hello pension”. Made of a 90/10 cotton/polyester blend with an eye-catching black and yellow color pattern, these socks are great for men or women to help celebrate their new retirement.

Black and Gold Funny Coffee Mug

This stylish coffee mug makes a great gift for that special someone who may be leaving the workforce, but not quite leaving “work”. It has a funny message inscribed in gold that reads, “I thought I retired but now I just work for my wife”. This 11 ounce coffee mug is made of quality ceramic and comes with a lid and stylish gold stirring spoon as well. Packaged in a lovely gift box, this makes a great gift for any retiree.

‘My Retirement Plan’ T-shirt

Sometimes a plan can be quickly summed up with a few words or even just an image. This retirement plan is summed up by an image of a golf ball and tee, letting everyone know just what they plan to be doing upon retirement! Made of 90% cotton and 10% polyester for a comfortable fit, this t-shirt makes a great retirement gift for that favorite golf lover.

‘Quitter, I Mean Happy Retirement’ Whiskey Glass

This gift pulls no punches with its hilariously naughty message on the front! It calls them a quitter at first, but then wishes them a happy retirement. A cute novelty gift that they’ll laugh about for years to come. They can use this glass to enjoy their favorite whiskey or whatever beverage they like. Pair it with a bottle of their favorite drink for an added touch.

Ceramic Jewelry Dish

Sometimes it’s nice to recognize the difference that someone makes in our lives, so while this retirement gift isn’t exactly a funny one, it’s one that they’ll likely appreciate. This pretty jewelry dish carries a special message on the inside reminding the recipient of the difference they made in their work. It is made of quality ceramic and measures approximately 4” x 4” in size, making it the perfect size to hold their favorite valuable trinkets.

‘Officially Retired’ Golf Gift Set

Many people get into the game of golf even more when they retire, so if you have a golf fan that’s retiring, grab them this cute gift set as a retirement gift. It comes in a gift box that reads “Officially Retired”, and each golf ball carries a different message on it about retirement. Along with some “officially retired” golf tees and a gold marker, this makes the perfect retirement gift.

Happy Retirement Keychain

This keychain makes a great gift for someone that’s retiring, as it carries a fun message on either side. On one side it recognizes that “the man, the myth, the legend has retired”, while on the other side it thanks the recipient for making a positive difference in their work. A great way to wish someone well on their retirement, and it’s a simple gift that they can use daily on their keyring.

Retirement Survival Hat

One must be prepared for their retirement, so this survival hat is just the trick! It comes adorned with a bottle opener, golf tee, and fishing lure to make sure that they have all the necessities for a fun retirement! This black hat comes decorated with various phrases about being retired, including “I’m retired! Everyday is Saturday!”. A super fun and hilarious gift to give to your favorite retiree, to make sure that they have lots of fun upon their retirement.

‘The One, The Only, The Legend Has Retired’ Hoodie

Sometimes we just need to recognize when a legend is retiring. Is there someone at your work who is just so legendary that they will be greatly missed when they go? Then let them know how important they’ve been by giving them this awesome hoodie that reads “The one, the only, the legend has retired”. This cozy hoodie is made of a cotton/polyester blend that is low pill and high density stitch fabric, and it comes in three different colors – black, steel, or navy. It makes a great gift for that legendary employee.

Retirement Sash

If you’re planning a retirement party to honor a special someone who is leaving, then give them this festive retirement sash to wear! It’s made of 100% quality soft satin, and is decorated with scenes of cruising and beaching with the word “RETIRED!” written in the middle. The sash measures 32” long and 3.5” wide, and it comes open with a silver pin to close it, ensuring it fits all body types. This is a great way to recognize the guest of honor at their retirement party!

Funny Retirement Apron

This funny apron shares a similar message as some of the other gifts listed here: that while they may be retired, they’re actually just working for their wife now. But, if your friend enjoys cooking, then they may appreciate this hilarious apron as they enter into the new world of retirement. Made of 100% polyester material, it is a durable and breathable apron that can be washed by machine or by hand. A great retirement gift for anyone who enjoys cooking.

‘Retired Under New Management’ Sign

Sometimes when we’re under new management, it’s not necessarily the spouse who’s calling the shots, but rather the grandchildren! This funny retirement sign addresses that fact by saying that they are retired and under new management, and that people should “see grandkids for details”. Maybe now that they are retired, they plan to be spending much more time with their beloved grandkids, so this funny gift is sure to be cherished by them and displayed with pride!

‘Not My Problem Anymore’ Whiskey Glass Wooden Gift Box Set

This beautiful whiskey glass gift set is the perfect gift for that special person who is retiring. It comes in a gorgeous wooden gift box, and contains two whiskey glasses that read “Not my problem anymore” along with the year. In the box, there is also a small pair of tongs to help you pick up the reusable stainless steel chilling cubes that are also included in the set. Finally, two lovely leather coasters complete the set.

Funny Novelty Napping Eye Mask

One thing your colleague might be doing more of when they retire is napping! So, this novelty napping eye mask makes a great gift to send them on their way to Dreamland. On the front of the mask, it reads “Officially retired do not disturb” to ensure that they get some undisturbed rest. Makes a great gag gift for that special someone as they start their retirement.

‘Quitter Oops I Mean Happy Retirement’ Wine Glass

Another glass with a cheeky message! Except this time, the “quitter” message is on a wine glass, in case your colleague prefers wine over whiskey. This stemless wine glass is laser-engraved to ensure that the message never fades or wears off. It holds 15 ounces of their favorite beverage, so pair this gift with a bottle of wine, and you’re all set!